This is a continuation of my previous blog post and things I am pondering about my journey with Jesus...
In 2011, God spoke to me to take a trip and to visit what I will now call the "promised land" in which He would give me, the place where He was leading me. I could not help but to think about how Joshua in the Bible sent spies into the promised land (Joshua 2) before possessing the land. The story had been fresh in my mind since all that year my pastor had been preaching on crossing the Jordan River. This trip was what gave me strength to make the big move. I took the trip alone and I was afraid of what people might think of me. Something about telling people that you heard God speak can bring unwanted tension and awkwardness to relationships. Although this deeply troubled me, I could not ignore the maker of the universe, my heavenly Father calling to me to walk closer, to take a leap of faith. I quickly realized that not every person I knew was seeking God in the most deepest and most intimate ways that I was and they felt disconnected from Him. This was rather heartbreaking for me in that I had to keep things to myself, just between me and God for fear of hurting my friends' feelings. I also committed my friends, whom I still refer to as family, to prayer. I prayed that they too would come to know this amazingly loving heavenly Father in the way that I have!
On my drive into the new "promised land" where God called me to move, I had a mighty vision of the Ark of the Covenant sitting on top of my car! I was alone and I prayed and asked God why was I seeing the Ark of the Covenant atop my car? He reminded me that this is what the Children of Israel did in the Old Testament on their way into their Promised Land. The priests carried the Ark of the Covenant into the parted waters of the Jordan first as the story goes, and the children followed them and Joshua their leader across on dry ground as the waters had parted, (Joshua 3).
On my way home from the "promised land" in which God has now placed me, I was distracted because I no longer saw the vision of the Ark of the Covenant! I asked God where it went. He said that it stayed there because I was to move with it!
So many things happened on this particular trip. Very subtle conformations to remind me that God was and is with me. I was driving alone and was very lost in the snow covered mountains at one point. There I was at 4000 feet elevation in light snow! I had not prepared for snow but light winter weather. I prayed that I would not need snow chains.
It was during this time that God, a good Father and coach, trained me his daughter to hear His voice better. He tested me with seemingly silly things, but always confirmed that I was in fact hearing His voice. Today, I realize how important it was for me to be tested in that way. He told me to get a room for the night, extend my trip by a few hours, and wait until morning when I could drive safely home.
Photo credits go to a very precious young man named J who had an impression from God and took these photos. He then told his Mom to show them to me! Thus inspiring the sweet memories of God running ahead of me and leading my car down the mountain in the thick fog!
The next morning, I was more alert and could see that if I had not listened to His still quiet voice, I may have had a terrible accident along that snowy mountain! I was not experienced to drive in such conditions. There was so much fog after the snow dusting on the mountains that visibility was very bad. I quickly learned that I needed to get behind a big truck and follow it down the mountain with a good cushion between us.
I prayed very hard for God's protection over my self and the car. And then I saw Him! How beautiful HE is indeed! I saw the Father, God running ahead of me in the fog, down the mountain! A peace and wonder came over me! I had never seen such a sight! I was quickened in the Spirit and remembered that we can see God's back like Isaiah, who saw the train of His robes (Isaiah 6), and Moses who saw God's hand and His back (Exodus 33-34).
Since that mountaintop experience I have seen God through new eyes as a patient and loving Father who cares so tenderly for His children. Even when we are feeling lost, He will come and rescue us and show us the way. Stay tuned for Part 3 of my story, my journey with Jesus that lasted roughly from 2008-20012.
Are you feeling like you are in a foggy situation right now?
Is the path before you unclear? If you cry out to our heavenly Father, God the creator of the universe, He will answer and guide you with His Word which is Jesus. All you have to do is ask.
In Psalm 119:105, King David promised that God's living Word will be a lamp to our feet and a light to our path.
This is the song that the Father reminded me of as I was about to post this blog.
January 23, 2012 I picked up everything and moved over 400 miles away from my family, friends and the home I'd known for over 30 years. The truth is that I did not move far, but it was very hard for me in that I was overcome with fear. I'm sure that many people thought that I was crazy, even manic or psychotic. There was a series of events that led to my move.
Back in 2008 and all through 2011, I went through a great testing of my faith. This lasted for about 3-4 painful years. There was an incident of a public humiliation, and in addition to it all I was thrown into massive debt due to an oversight, and my beautiful cat Peachy died after an illness. I was subject to harsh gossip and malicious talk. I do not write this to show how I am a victim, but rather the opposite. I write this to show that if I could overcome, so could you by the power of forgiveness and by the grace and mercies of God.
The truth is that if it were not for Jesus taking on my sin, I certainly deserved all that drama and humiliation. I deserved it all! My trials certainly brought me to my knees in desperate prayer, and eventually to my face before the Lord especially in 2009, 2010, 2011... I fasted and prayed giving up the most precious thing to me: sleep and even food. I often gave up watching TV and social networking. This was my time to draw near to God for answers. No one knew that I was tired from praying all night and sometimes all day for 5-6 days a week! This is how desperate I was for breakthrough, how broken I was from the trials of my faith.
In Matthew 6, it says that we are to not boast about our fasting, when we fast. However, I feel that the time is right to share and to teach a bit about times of fasting where I longed for breakthrough and I feel that my story may help someone to their breakthrough. I did not talk about the fasting at the time, I kept it between myself and God. How can we know how to fast and pray if no one models it and teaches us and reports the revelation given?
After my move in 2012, I was on what I affectionately called my "journey with Jesus". It was a real leap of faith and a pleasant time with the Lord all at the same time.
I remember the weird feeling that I get in my teeth when I am terrified! They tingle and hurt and chatter. I heard every accusation of the enemy being thrown at me: about how frail he says I am, how stupid, how ugly, how broke, how slow, how I'm too old, my hair is too short, or too big or not styled right, my clothes are ugly, my body is too fat and on and on and on... However, in spite of those voices and lies of the enemy, I heard the voice of the One true God piercing through my chaos bringing me....to clarity and wisdom. He gave me detailed instructions. I followed and have never looked back.
I remember the way that I kept asking God to confirm it again, confirm it again, God. And He very graciously did, over and over: a phone call from an elderly intercessor that seemingly came out of the blue. And I've continued on in the strength of that confirmation and many others now for over 3 years.
What if, you never took the leap of faith that God is calling you to? What if breakthrough is on the other side of your leap?
I certainly lost friends in the big move. I gained a few new ones, and gained a few old ones back. In the end, only God's opinion of me is what matters. I feel stronger now. I've learned to not live for anyone but God. I've learned the hard way to not try to please everyone around me. I feel healthier now. It's like the girl who existed 3 years ago, not longer exists, but has been born again, transformed, renewed for the glory of God.
Romans 12:2 Amplified Bible
Do not be conformed to this world (this age), [fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs], but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His sight for you].
The song "I Refuse" performed by Josh Wilson below came out around the time I was in this deep place of fasting and prayer. The words pierced my heart and convicted me as I wrestled with God's word to me about moving over 400 miles away from the only home I ever knew. Here are part of the lyrics and the official music video below:
...'Cause I don't wanna live like I don't care
I don't wanna say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse to
Sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me
To do myself!
Oh, I could choose
Not to move
But I refuse!
I refuse!
I refuse, yea!
The Lord gave me a mighty vision about 3 years ago. I've pondered this in my heart and have prayed for revelation and interpretation. I now feel the release to share the vision publicly with some of the revelation that God has given me. I have shared this with a few people privately as the Lord prompted me, but the time is urgent that we encourage one another in the Lord (1 Thessalonians 5:11) and sharpen each other like iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17). We are in a race and we must run well and train well as the writer of Hebrews exhorted. We must keep our eyes fixed on the beautiful eyes of Jesus (Hebrews 12:1-2). Vision I see many people in the desert. It's hot, it's dry, and it's very dusty. Life is so hard in the desert. I see God's people, the remnant to be exact struggling in this desert season. Many have been feeling alone and as though they are in what is now known as a desert season. Some have been feeling guilty for feeling alone because you were taught in very religious circles that loneliness is a shameful sin. The truth is that you are not alone, you are never alone! It is the Lord who has set us apart and has preserved you unto Himself away from a lot of "stuff" that the enemy would have otherwise used to destroy you. Remember that He gives His angels to camp around those who are righteous (Psalm 34:7). I see so many beautiful Christians, faithful, true, honest, loving, doing well, but growing weary because they cannot understand the season that they are in. They've been in the desert for so long. In my vision they are dressed as marathon runners in the Summer Olympics with numbers on their backs. Each one has their own lane on the track field. Each one is on this track and in their own lane, yet there is so much dust swirling around from the desert that no one can see that they are not alone on the field. You have been set apart for strength training. Isometrics training. You against gravity. This is a season where God the Father is training you and strengthening you in the desert season. Many, I see are in position waiting and ready for the sound that will release them to run in the desert! Marathoners with batons will begin running and you will soon realize that they have not been alone. Some have been in a place of hiding, set apart by the Lord to train and be preserved. And at the appointed time He will release you. This might not make sense to you, but if it does I pray that it blesses and encourages you and gives you hope.
