Three Years Ago, Part 1

January 23, 2012 I picked up everything and moved over 400 miles away from my family, friends and the home I'd known for over 30 years. The truth is that I did not move far, but it was very hard for me in that I was overcome with fear. I'm sure that many people thought that I was crazy, even manic or psychotic. There was a series of events that led to my move.

Back in 2008 and all through 2011, I went through a great testing of my faith. This lasted for about 3-4 painful years. There was an incident of a public humiliation, and in addition to it all I was thrown into massive debt due to an oversight, and my beautiful cat Peachy died after an illness. I was subject to harsh gossip and malicious talk. I do not write this to show how I am a victim, but rather the opposite. I write this to show that if I could overcome, so could you by the power of forgiveness and by the grace and mercies of God.

The truth is that if it were not for Jesus taking on my sin, I certainly deserved all that drama and humiliation. I deserved it all! My trials certainly brought me to my knees in desperate prayer, and eventually to my face before the Lord especially in 2009, 2010, 2011... I fasted and prayed giving up the most precious thing to me: sleep and even food. I often gave up watching TV and social networking. This was my time to draw near to God for answers. No one knew that I was tired from praying all night and sometimes all day for 5-6 days a week! This is how desperate I was for breakthrough, how broken I was from the trials of my faith.

In Matthew 6, it says that we are to not boast about our fasting, when we fast. However, I feel that the time is right to share and to teach a bit about times of fasting where I longed for breakthrough and I feel that my story may help someone to their breakthrough. I did not talk about the fasting at the time, I kept it between myself and God. How can we know how to fast and pray if no one models it and teaches us and reports the revelation given?

After my move in 2012, I was on what I affectionately called my "journey with Jesus". It was a real leap of faith and a pleasant time with the Lord all at the same time.

I remember the weird feeling that I get in my teeth when I am terrified! They tingle and hurt and chatter. I heard every accusation of the enemy being thrown at me: about how frail he says I am, how stupid, how ugly, how broke, how slow, how I'm too old, my hair is too short, or too big or not styled right, my clothes are ugly, my body is too fat and on and on and on... However, in spite of those voices and lies of the enemy, I heard the voice of the One true God piercing through my chaos bringing me....to clarity and wisdom. He gave me detailed instructions. I followed and have never looked back.

I remember the way that I kept asking God to confirm it again, confirm it again, God. And He very graciously did, over and over: a phone call from an elderly intercessor that seemingly came out of the blue. And I've continued on in the strength of that confirmation and many others now for over 3 years.

What if, you never took the leap of faith that God is calling you to? What if breakthrough is on the other side of your leap?

I certainly lost friends in the big move. I gained a few new ones, and gained a few old ones back. In the end, only God's opinion of me is what matters. I feel stronger now. I've learned to not live for anyone but God. I've learned the hard way to not try to please everyone around me. I feel healthier now. It's like the girl who existed 3 years ago, not longer exists, but has been born again, transformed, renewed for the glory of God.

Romans 12:2 Amplified Bible
Do not be conformed to this world (this age), [fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs], but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what is the good and acceptable and perfect will  of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His sight for you].

The song "I Refuse" performed by Josh Wilson below came out around the time I was in this deep place of fasting and prayer. The words pierced my heart and convicted me as I wrestled with God's word to me about moving over 400 miles away from the only home I ever knew. Here are part of the lyrics and the official music video below:

...'Cause I don't wanna live like I don't care
I don't wanna say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse to
Sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me
To do myself!
Oh, I could choose
Not to move
But I refuse!
I refuse!
I refuse, yea!


Josh Wilson "I Refuse"

Strength Training

The Lord gave me a mighty vision about 3 years ago.
I've pondered this in my heart and have prayed for revelation and interpretation.
I now feel the release to share the vision publicly with some of the revelation that God has given me. I have shared this with a few people privately as the Lord prompted me, but the time is urgent that we encourage one another in the Lord (1 Thessalonians 5:11) and sharpen each other like iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17).

We are in a race and we must run well and train well as the writer of Hebrews exhorted. We must keep our eyes fixed on the beautiful eyes of Jesus (Hebrews 12:1-2).

Vision
I see many people in the desert. It's hot, it's dry, and it's very dusty. Life is so hard in the desert. I see God's people, the remnant to be exact struggling in this desert season. Many have been feeling alone and as though they are in what is now known as a desert season. Some have been feeling guilty for feeling alone because you were taught in very religious circles that loneliness is a shameful sin.
The truth is that you are not alone,  you are never alone! It is the Lord who has set us apart and has preserved you unto Himself away from a lot of "stuff" that the enemy would have otherwise used to destroy you. Remember that He gives His angels to camp around those who are righteous (Psalm 34:7).

I see so many beautiful Christians, faithful, true, honest, loving, doing well, but growing weary because they cannot understand the season that they are in. They've been in the desert for so long. In my vision they are dressed as marathon runners in the Summer Olympics with numbers on their backs. Each one has their own lane on the track field. Each one is on this track and in their own lane, yet there is so much dust swirling around from the desert that no one can see that they are not alone on the field.

You have been set apart for strength training. Isometrics training. You against gravity. This is a season where God the Father is training you and strengthening you in the desert season. Many, I see are in position waiting and ready for the sound that will release them to run in the desert! Marathoners with batons will begin running and you will soon realize that they have not been alone. Some have been in a place of hiding, set apart by the Lord to train and be preserved. And at the appointed time He will release you.

This might not make sense to you, but if it does I pray that it blesses and encourages you and gives you hope.

MercyMe, Greater, 2014 

Breath of Heaven

I became a new Mom last October! This season, it would be impossible for me to not think of the nativity story and the birth of our Lord Jesus in a new light! (Luke 2) 
To think that Mary the Mother of Jesus as she was due to give birth, had to walk all that way from Nazareth to Bethlehem! This is one thing that I am really pondering this season. They had something like a donkey or a mule to help her, but honestly, I am not sure what's worse walking a long way or riding a donkey while pregnant. One time, we walked 1 mile from our home when I was about 6 months pregnant and was nearly panting and out of breath to where my husband had to nearly carry me! The Braxton-Hicks contractions are no joke!

I wonder what was she thinking? How did she pray for strength in that season of her life? Was she neurotically worried about accidentally killing the Son of God before His time as most new moms are? Was she overly worried about such things as getting him onto a god sleeping schedule? Did she and Joseph stay up into the wee hours of the night feeding and changing diapers? Mary was in such an amazing season and faced with so many challenges and changes for her young heart: a new marriage, her growing belly filled with a promise to change the world, the visits from the angelic beings, a near-divorce before her marriage. She then went on a long journey with Joseph her husband to be counted in the census at Bethlehem. She traveled with him by walking and by riding on a donkey as pregnant as she was! There was most likely the realization that she was "hidden" and well-protected as the mother of the King of kings when she and Joseph found themselves without any place to stay on the night she gave birth to this beautiful King of kings. No one recognized that the baby inside of her was the Son of God, the savior of the world! If thy had, inn keepers would have paid them to stay there so that they could be a part of the historical event.

Mary was forced to go low in humility and give birth to her baby, the Son of God in the equivalent of a parking garage. She then swaddled him and placed him in the feeding trough for the animals.

The Lord placed this song in my heart-- "Breath of Heaven", arranged and performed by Amy Grant and originally composed by Chris Eaton.

A simple prayer, and perhaps similar to a prayer that Mary prayed in her heart as she pondered all that God was doing in and through her:

'Breath of Heaven
Hold me together
Be now forever near to me,
Breath of Heaven.
Breath of Heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy,
Breath of Heaven.'

What do you need strength for today or tonight?
I encourage you to reach out to the One, who gives and sustains life: God our heavenly Father.

Prayer
Heavenly Father, I ask for grace and strength over each reader of this blog. I pray that you will overcome them with Your peace, Your LOVE, and the fulness of who they are in You, Lord God.
May Your name ever be glorified on earth, as it is in heaven.
Amen 

Breath of Heaven, Amy Grant singing, photos from the movie "The Nativity"

Just Be

Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matthew 5:48

Every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father of Lights. James 1:17

The coming end of the year holiday season is upon us with Thanksgiving coming up next week and Christmas just about 1 month beyond that and the New Year 2015 a week after that! It always surprises me how time seems to just zoom past us. And then I hear His voice...

Just be.
Can you see?
He says to me softly.

So much noise all around,
My eyes cannot see.

Look into the Great Light,
He says.
My Father is Light.

Where are You, my Lord?
I reach out in the darkness for His face.
I want to touch it.
I want His hand to guide me to the Light.

Do you hear me?
Are you listening with your heart?
He says even softer.

I close my eyes to hear...
My heart knows Him,
The One I love and adore.

Then my eyes feel the light
And are opened to see clearly.
I am warmed by the presence of my Lord.
His LOVE overwhelms me as I turn towards
The Light...

Revelation comes
As I look into His eyes.

My Child, you are BeLoved of mine.
Rest in me.
Just be
Here in my arms.
Stop your striving.
It hurts me to see you trying to earn
My LOVE
When I have freely given it to you.
My beautiful Child,
Just be.

Big Daddy Weave worships with  their new hit single "Overwhelmed" 

Meeting Places

I am longing to meet with You my Lord,

And getting anxious in the waiting.

Where are You?

Come back to me, my Lord.

Do not leave me here longing for You.

BeLoved, the Son of I Am is waiting here, and here,

And here

For you.

Meet me in the garden...

Where my, Lord?

Where in the garden?

In our usual place under the apple tree,

Next to the fountain.

I will wait there for you.

Pour your fresh wine upon me,

And I will feed you apples and raisins.

I will impart my joy to you as I promised.

For I endured my cross 

For the joy set before me!

I will meet You there, my Lord, 

The Lover of my soul.

I will pour my pink wine on Your wounds.

I am captivated by the scars on Your arms--

For that, I am set as a seal upon You...
My sins upon Your body,
My Lord, the Lover and healer of my soul.
Forgive me,
I will pour myself out upon You
Like a fine wine.
I do not deserve Your apples and raisins,
Yet my heart longs to
Be with You--

My soul yearns for the strength
Your LOVE gives me,
And beauty, such beauty
To BeHold You...
BeHeld in Your strong arms!

I never left You,
You turned away.
I will never leave You.
I await for your return to our meeting place.

I will meet You there, my Lord...

The Angel and Our Baby Boy

Now faith is the assurance (the confirmation, the title deed) of things [we]  hope for, being the proof of things [we] do not see and the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses]. For by [faith- trust and holy fervor born of faith] the men of old had divine testimony borne to them and obtained a good report.

Hebrews 11:1-1 The Amplified Bible

The angel held the baby boy so that I could see him.
My angel baby and his heavenly guardian.
The angel was so big 
That his wingspan went through the ceiling,
And the nearby wall.
My heart received its instructions.
And in the following months
I became pregnant with a son
And gave birth a year later.

Steady my heart, God.
For I am pregnant with Your purpose!
You have strengthened my body 
To conceive and bear this child.
Stay me on the beaten course.
Grant us Divine wisdom 
To train this child up in the way that he should go.

The angel holds his post.
Our baby boy thrives each day so peacefully
In the shadows of His holy wings,
Numerous guardians are camped around us,
Swords drawn,
Ever ready for battle.

Steady my heart God
With Your LOVE
Here in the secret place.

Steffany Gretzinger singing Steady Heart from her new album "Undone"

How Deep Is Your LOVE?

My husband, the theologian and I just celebrated our very first wedding anniversary on Saturday, June 14, 2014! 
Our wedding was themed after the passage in Song of Solomon 2-3 with lots of wildflowers. 
This particular blog entry is in praise to the Great Lover of the Church, Jesus Christ. 
All glory and honor be to Him for all that He is and for all that He has done!

I am Lover poured out like pink wine for my Lord.

There is no other who can bring to Him 

The kind of Love that I bring.

I am unique to Him,

Yet I am humbled...

For He gave His life for me!

JESUS!

My Savior who saved me from myself,

From the world, 
From sadness, 

From despair, 

From depression, 

From doubt.... 

From many horrible things.

And in the face of naysayers freely gave to me HOPE

For a future and an expected end.

You know the plans You have for me and they are good.

Your thoughts towards me are countless in number.

I could never repay You for the love You have shown.

Yet I hear You say:

"How deep is Your LOVE for me, my Lover? 

Will you not come away with me? 

Meet me under the apple tree 
Over by the fountain.

Look! How I have laid the table out for you!

Come and dine with me.

Let us eat apples and raisins

Together.

For I have many things to tell you."

"My Beloved," my heart replies, 

"Would You baptize me again in Your LOVE?

I am sick with Your LOVE, longing for more...

Refresh me with Your raisins!

Let me sit in Your shade and rest my head 

Upon your strong chest.

With Your left hand on my head,

Pull me closer with Your right hand...

"In Your arms the seasons change from Winter to Spring! 

Lightness! Breath! Hope! Joy!

Strength for the journey- endurance.

I have a song for You, my Lord, my Beloved, my King!

My soul sings the song my heart has written."

NOTE: The song below is not a worship song, but it's definitely a God song! In Zephaniah 3:17-20 the prophet tells us that our God sings and dances over us! Did you know that He sings and dances over you with joy? The theme of the song below is unconditional love. Unconditional LOVE can only come from and through God. Imagine Him singing this over you as you listen. 
Do you know how much He loves you? I dare you to ask Him to show you now even if He seems far away. Ask God to reveal Himself to you as the One who gave His life for the entire world in a singular act of selfless love...just for you!

The Bee Gees in performance of their hit single "How Deep Is Your Love?"

The Lord Your God is in the midst of you, a Mighty One, a Savior [who saves]!

He will rejoice over you with joy; He will rest [in silent satisfaction] and in His love He will be silent and make no mention [of past sins,or even recall them]; 

He will exult over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17 Amplified Bible

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